oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
someone owes me an orgasm
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
