We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
