So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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