i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
