no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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