I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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