Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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