Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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