I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
