I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
