Princesses don't give blow jobs
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
