i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
