i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
