Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
