Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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