Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am available for nakedness
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
is it fun? or sober?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
