Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
