The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
