God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
