Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize