I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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