please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All the doctor said was why
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
