Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am midnight drunk by noon
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
