I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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