am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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