Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
