I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
