i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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