I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
