there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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