She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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