dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
