Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How's work?
Spinning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
