Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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