lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
