youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
