I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
