Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
