the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
