uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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