hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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