I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
