I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
