Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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