Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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