Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
