No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
