I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would fuck him just for his dog
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
