Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
