I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
