I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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