i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
