I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
