I got chris browned last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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