my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it glows. i had to have it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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