The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize