I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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