Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I am morally bankrupt
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
not ubering you a puppy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
