He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
