apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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