so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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