so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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