Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
