some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
