Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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