I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize