wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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