How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
