Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh god it's open bar.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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