CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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