I wish I could teleport
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
