I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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